I imagine you a lot these days. I can see you putting out your hand and closing your fist around thin air, wondering when you’re going to catch something worth holding onto. Right now you’d just settle for something worth losing. Because you have nothing… except for time… and even that is slipping through your fingers.
These days I feel like I’m stuck inside of myself, just running in place. Getting absolutely nowhere in record time… But yeah, that’s just me being ungrateful. I have so much inside of this little red dot that’s labeled "YOU ARE HERE."
I have a bad ass girl gang in my corner. We inhale smoke and exhale excellence. We’re glad girls who only want to get you high. We get down on good tunes and bad snack foods. We get back up on cuddles and anti-depressants. Our motto is hugs and drugs… and STOP STARING AT MY FUCKING TITS OR I WILL CUT YOU.
I’ve got a good ass job under my belt. Pretty soon I’ll be able to eat 3 meals a day and still have money left over to repay uncle Sam for the education I can’t actually seem to finish. I can bleach my roots and dye my hair another brilliant color.
i have a partner who loves me… even if he doesn’t always seem to understand what he’s in love with…
The problem is that no matter how lovely this little space I’ve found myself in is, I’m still confined inside of it. For someone who’s spent most of my life trying to escape into some other, more interesting, sphere of reality it’s hard for me to shake the prison break mentality.
My muscle memory keeps my mind sprinting ahead, urging me to leave my heart behind, while my body bounces against invisible walls.
And I want to run, but I’m so tired of being a little runaway.